Hey guys, first of all I'd like to thank all of you for being such great examples of what Christians are truly supposed to be. I haven't posted on this sub before but it's my favorite to lurk on :)
I'd just like to ask all of you to pray for me. For hope and healing. If I tried to go in to detail I'd be here all day, but to summarize it - I've been struggling with feeling worthless, anxious, hopeless and even considering suicide a few times in the past couple months. I have a few mental health issues - an undiagnosed eating disorder (probably anorexia - I was severely underweight until a couple months ago), severe anxiety, and depression. Growing up my dad was an alcoholic and lately he's been abusing it even more, and my mom is just like "eh, it's his life.. whatever. It's not my problem", and growing up she refused to allow me to see any doctors even when I was physically sick, unable to move, and had to drop out of school. Doctors are only in it for the money, she would say. They're greedy and will leave you sicker in every way. Don't trust them!! And, well, that distrust of hers extended to her refusing to allow me to see any mental health professionals for my anxiety and depression. I was just told that I wasn't praying hard enough, and she laughs whenever I mentioned my suicidal thoughts because I'm "just SO dramatic she can't even believe it." So hearing her constantly rant and rave about how awful they all are, really took a toll on me and caused me to develop a fear of them myself, which is why I haven't sought out any help at all for my ED or other issues. I'm struggling so hard right now, especially with feeling worthless and hopeless because I just lost my job yesterday, and I'm trying to save up to move out of my parents' house without them knowing. (They don't want me to leave - according to my mom, I'm not cut out for the "real world" and once I move out it will destroy me), so now I won't be able to for some time. And also, a couple days ago I found out I won't be able to go to school for the 3rd semester in a row due to the financial aid office messing up my financial aid. I'm just stuck, I don't even have a car to get out of the house when I feel like I just can't handle it any more. I don't really "do" much of anything since I can't drive myself, don't have a job any longer, or go to school. I'm not going anywhere in my life and I've been using disordered behaviors again as a coping mechanism to deal with everything and I've been too terrified to see a mental health professional. 20 years of being told how terrible they are isn't easy to block out.
Please, just pray that God will give me the strength and courage to seek the help that I know in need, and for my Dad as he struggles with substance abuse, and that my Mom will learn to become more sympathetic and understanding and to also get the help she needs for her own eating disorder. Thank you all.
Submitted January 11, 2017 at 08:50PM by Unknown
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