Hey all. I posted this is a different sub earlier today, but I wanted a second opinion and also your prayers. I love this community, and I respect any advice or support you can give.
I hope you all are having a nice Monday. So I just got off the phone with my mom, and I feel things are coming to a breaking point with them.
The backstory: I've been dating my (same-sex) fiancé for ~3 years. About 2 years ago I came out to my parents and told them about him. They're -- as I was growing up, and still feel very connected to -- typical, conservative Southern Baptists and didn't take it well. Over the next couple weeks, we had some heated discussions. Their biggest critiques -- what I found to be contradictory and impossible to live up to -- were that I both needed to (1) give them more space to come to grips with things and (2) be more forthcoming about all the happenings in my life. This is the tightrope I've been trying to walk for the past 2 years.
My fiancé is involved in every aspect of my life -- as expected. And his family has come to be my second family. (They'd do anything for me like I was their son.) My family's only met him like 6-7 times, and every time they're so fucking awkward, like borderline rude. They say they want to spend more time with him though, to get more comfortable with everything. But they make him feel so unwelcome -- it hurts me and it hurts him, which hurts me...it's terrible. And in the aftermath, I'm less likely to be open with them about my life (which they resent) and less likely to invite him to things (which doesn't help them get more comfortable).
So my fiancé goes back to school next weekend, so I wanted one last shot at spending time with my parents. They had vaguely talked with me about doing this, but nothing materialized. I try to have dinner with my parents every Monday, so I just got off the phone with my mom about inviting him tonight. They recommended postponing it for two weeks. (They always pull this type of shit when I bring it up.)
The worst part is that I'm so disillusioned with them right now. They were always the most hospitable growing up, our house had a revolving door for my brother's and my friends, even brand new friends, neighborhood kids, acquaintances, etc. They happily fed anyone who so happened to be around at a mealtime. And now my own family -- their own family! -- requires weeks of notice before a single meal. that they'd be more welcoming to a stranger irks me so much.
I could understand this after the first couple months, for the first couple years, but it's been two years now. I try so hard, and I'm getting tired of this shit.
I'm so close to telling them that if they don't accept my family, then they don't accept me and I'll stop coming around until they do.
Does anyone have any tips? Am I crazy for being tired and angry after 2 years of this? Is an ultimatum -- maybe not a drastic one -- a bad idea? Can you pray that God gives me wisdom and discernment about how to deal with this?
Thanks for reading!
Submitted January 11, 2016 at 03:37PM by Unknown
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