I'd hardly call myself an atheist, not yet, but I feel like I'm heading there.
I've always felt like there's questions the Bible doesn't answer, and faith alone was enough, but it seems increasingly unrealistic to just shrug things off as mistranslations and things not meant ot be taken literally.
Faith, something I've had all my life, filled me with a wholeness that I feel flaking away. The idea that this life is merely a stepping stone. Without God, it all seems so futile.
Maybe our historical figures will remain part of history for eternity but I don't feel like our modern figures (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs) will be remembered and if these large men aren't to be remembered, what's to become of me?
It's not just the skeptics that have eroded my faith, it's the news media and the fact that the only time they highlight anything a Christian did, it's something negative. The news talks about when "Christians" picket kids' funerals. They don't talk about those who do good deeds. Unless it's December. It's okay to talk about good deeds in December.
What do I see in Christianity online? I see a lot of made-up sourceless bullhockey that a simple Snopes-search reveals to be a feel-good lie. I see a lot a terrible amount of far-far-right-wing people saying very judgmental things. Feel-good lies do more damage to credibility than a lack of evidence at all, at least for me.
I don't see miracles and haven't in a long long time. I don't see evidence of anything but that people are selfish.
I want to believe so badly. Scientific reasoning isn't a bad way for a universe to originate, but it means individual existed is pretty pointless and becomes increasingly pointless. As I said before, we may always have Plato and Socrates, but will people always remember Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Sam Walton? Unlikely.
I guess that before the internet, I could just tell myself that things did happen to those that needed them, elsewhere in the world but as news of every elsewhere is instantaneously available, I realize that tragedy happens everywhere. Terrible things happen to good people.
Christians love to say that God will take care of [you], but sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes a battalion of people praying still leaves a 36 y/o father who lives a good clean life to die painfully to cancer.
Christians, like me, love to say that God doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't, but some people are still dealt a horrible hand of cards in life and remain good people while others are dealt a royal flush from the first hand, and do terrible things.
Some people suffer from personal demons, like myself and battling them has done nothing but lead to a life of heartbreak. I seek answers and all I hear anymore is silence.
Submitted January 11, 2016 at 02:34PM by Unknown
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